The End is Near?
Comments (14)
Hi all: I don’t want the imminent changes to be a surprise. There will be a lot happening in the next six months and it’s almost certain the “Quaker Ranter” will suffer. I try not to get too personal on this site but money is crazy tight and much of this work will probably be coming to an end soon.
Our finances are far more dire than I usually let on. Our small paychecks are not enough to pay the bills. We have $60 to cover groceries for the next three weeks. I don’t have enough “walking around money” to cover a cup of coffee each morning. We’re constantly juggling bills to keep from being cut-off by major utilities (our heating oil company did temporarily cut us off in February, I am so happy the weather’s turned warm). Not a good situation to be in, especially with another little one on the way this summer.
For years I’ve let the Friends organization I work for know that I’m financially struggling. I’ve been hoping that with sufficient belt-tightening and financial juggling I’d be able to wait out my situation until the day that Quakers realized how important the web is and how under-used I am. I understand that life is supposed to be a cross and that it’s okay to live close to the edge and that our work doesn’t have to be understood or monetarily appreciated to be important. I don’t need my wage to reflect market value ($73,990 according to one job site), I just need it to be sustainable (somewhere a little over half that amount).
When April started, I had a glimmer of hope. My employer’s personnel committee had a strong new job description on its agenda that would mean a significant raise. I had also been nominated for the Pickett Fund, a fellowship to allow those with “promise and potential as a Quaker leader” to pursue witness and ministries (I proposed a new online magazine, an expanded Quaker Ranter that would encourage and mentor in a new generation of writers, activists and ministers in the Society of Friends).
Alas, neither hope has come true. The personnel committee delayed a decision yet again (this is the fourth outright rejection or postponement in three years) and there’s no promise that the September meeting will be any more favorable (anyway, with the fiscal year starting two weeks after the meeting, the budget will have been set by then). The Pickett Fund administrator wrote back that I had been awarded the smallest token amount possible—one fifth of their “average” grant, far less than I had asked for and far less than I would need to even start the project.
The buzzer is buzzing, Julie and I are dangerously close to bankruptcy with another child on the way and the institutions are still kissing me off. This year’s Gathering workshop will probably be my swan song, I’m afraid. I’ve lasted longer than most of my peers but even me in my stubbornness can’t keep this going. I realize a lot of Friends have been recognizing and encouraging my work and I am grateful for every warm email and phone call of support. Things are changing and getting better. I just can’t wait it out any longer.
What will happen to hole my departure causes? Well yet another our institutions will scramble to find a webmaster (if anyone knows a world class webmaster and publicist with extensive knowledge of the Religious Society of Friends willing to work 2 days a week for a starting salary somewhere under $14k, please email my boss (come to think about it also email my ex-boss at a certain Quaker magazine and all the other American Quaker institutions that routinely feel me out for employment at ridiculously-low salaries)). The young leaders getting this year’s Pickett Fund grants will face a Religious Society of Friends that really doesn’t like the bright young twenty year olds to grow up into visionary twenty-five year olds (the subject of my Passing the Faith profile was a 1998 Pickett Fund grantee).
What’s happening to me is nothing special. I’m just another statistic.
PS: Want to help? There’s $7 in my Palpal account, not even enough to cover the current monthly charge on this website. The Quaker Ranter, along with the world’s top-ranked Nonviolence website (5000 visitors a day) is about to wink out of existence because I don’t have $11.45 to spare. How pathetic. Come to think about it, maybe Quakerism and nonviolence should wink out. Seriously, why should I be on the financial brink when no one really cares enough about these kind of issues enough to organize a way to support them? You can make a donation here.
Update, Summer 2006
I did get a new job at FGC last year that included a significant raise but two kids on a religious nonprofit salary is still insane and we’re barely squeeking by. Long term stability will come either through very signifcantly increased web design work or a different job. You can help keep Martin in long-time Quaker employ by telling anyone you know who might be interested in a website about MartinKelley.com.
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About Martin
I’m a Quaker from
South Jersey with a love of
outreach and ministry.
More bio and my contact information in my
about Martin
post.
Martin's other sites:
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First off, I decided this was worth at least as much to me as a year's subscription to Friends Journal.
Secondly, I understand that supporting a family AND being actively involved in it is an all-consuming, all-the-time endeavor. Blogging, in fact, any kind of writing takes time away from both of those.
I'm so sorry for you and Julie that times are so hard right when you're most likely to feel unable to do more.
When you say that the Gathering workshop will probably be your swansong, are you talking about working for FGC-related organizations? Writing? Teaching? Quakerism as a whole?
Do you feel that you have to be employed by Friends to be a Friend?
Do you mean that Friends have to appreciate online publishing for you to appreciate Friends?
Has the tokenism you mentioned a few days ago flared up in your perspective? (Very few Friends on the West Coast are employed by Quaker institutions, so nepotism is held down some here.)
Are you way over tired and likely to feel a little better in about three years when your children are sleeping through the night? :)
Times like these can seem like the long dark night of the pocketbook.
Bob Dylan wrote this for his sons; I wish I could sing it for you. May god bless and keep you always, may your wishes all come true. May you always know the truth and see the light surrounding you. May you build a ladder to the stars and climb on every rung, and may you stay forever young.
After emailing my partner your news,
I have fallen into worship,
unsure of how to respond.
Lots of feelings, though:
sadness,
fear,
anger,
hope.
Now,
back to
worship . . .
Blessings,
Liz
Hi Robin: This post reflects worries and fears that routinely bubble to the surface (especially at the beginning of the month when we realize how little is left over after the mortgage). I've squelched posts like this before, but I think these feelings are honest, reflections of how I'm trying to combine life and Quakerism.
The lesson that I stubbornly resist is that I need to rethink my service. After all, I am whining about not making it as a hireling Friend, aren't I? I guess I don't have the good looks to make it as a Quaker bureaucrat! I should just a real job and self-finance any ministry I do. The real work that needs to be done is one-on-one and not focused on the big institutions so I shouldn't get so bent out of shape about all this. Rejection's hard though, even if it's perhaps a prompt to move on.
Swansong? Well, I'm just thinking I need to rethink things. I have strong job skills though they're quirkier than the dryly-written job ads I see. Whether I'll be able to translate this into a job that can pay to go to future FGC Gatherings is a question. Whether I'll have time to keep the blog going is a question. East Coast Quakerism being the insider game it is, it's also a question of whether I'll be able to participate in a wide range of Quaker activities. We'll have to see, won't we. For now, it's back to "Indeed.com":www.indeed.com....
Liz, thanks for the prayers, they are very much needed.
Everyone else, thanks for the donations that have started flowing in! The websites will continue to bubble along even if the posts drop off a bit!
Dear, dear Martin, Julie, Theo, and Incipient Baby,
I've been out of the loop recovering from surgery (went marvelously, thanks) and migrating from msn to earthlink (Julie, need to email you about the listserv), so I didn't pick up on this until late. I'm glad to say we had a little money to spare for nonviolence.org/Quaker Ranter/whatever use you want to put it to. Hope it's blessed to you--we know it will be to us! But I do want to apologize for not thinking to give before matters got so dire. We didn't mean to be neglectful, but we were. We're sorry.
The larger issues, which can't be solved with a little quick sharing, are troubling me. In particular, I find I'm sad to think that the online journal wasn't funded--I think it could be such a powerful transforming force for the Society that I don't want to give it up. I'm thinking, and praying about it.
Love to all,
Melynda & Joan & kids
Interesting comments you've provoked!
It must be hard to untangle the threads of personal leading (and personal disappointment) from more general observations of Friends. And you shouldn't have to; I'm grateful for the plain honesty. You don't have to wait until it is all sorted out to say what you're thinking and going through.
Part of the untangling should be the church's care, mentoring, eldering. Presumably if the meeting affirms and supports, or decides not to, that's part of the discernment. Maybe, after all, corporate discernment muddles along to the awkward conclusion that Martin's concerns are not sufficiently shared to mobilize corporate affirmation and practical support.
BUT for me a prior question is: Does the meeting, the committee, the organization know the language of spiritual gifts, discernment, and support? Are there others in recent memory who have received such support? I can "trust the process" when the process is trustworthy.
Concerning the issue of whether Friends work should be salaried or not, there is soooo much to discuss openly - where's the forum? I wrote a somewhat related editorial in Quaker Life a few years ago.
Different Friends groups cut the question different ways, partly depending on local culture both inside and outside Friends. I think we evangelical Friends may be a bit more prepared to realize that genuine and generous ministry requires the community to open up its wallets, and we may also do a better job of accessing the wallet-opening process so it isn't so secret. We don't spiritualize the issue quite as much. However, right now we're having a hard time scraping the money together for a part-time peace education coordinator here in Northwest Yearly Meeting, despite the absolutely inspiring work of the young adult Friend who currently occupies that position ... so I may have to eat my words.
Prayerfully,
Johan
The first rule about fundraising is that you have to ask people for money.
I love the idea of an online Quaker magazine; I picture a Friendly Salon.
The hardest part about a regular job is that they don't give enough time off to attend FGC gatherings, yearly & quarterly meetings, in addition to the ordinary time off needed to take care of sick children, visit grandparents, go to school plays, swimming lessons, etc.
I am finally in a position that pays pretty well, all things considered, with a lot of flexibility compared to most jobs, and it is still hard to know how to balance the right mix of professional ambition, spiritual and personal development, family commitments and saving the world. Middle age is not for sissies either.
Having children is not a sane and rational decision. Being a Quaker renewalist is not a practical profession. Trying to do these and be financially and emotionally stable is probably not possible. But it might just be worth it anyway.
Peace,
Robin
Y'know, Martin, as I come out of the period of holding your situation in my heart, I have written and rewritten this comment a zillion times. Here's the essence I want to convey:
1. Are gifts to Nonviolence.org tax-deductible?
2. A great resource for any sort of donor to an organization (please order it through an independent bookstore, like QuakerBooks 1-800-966-4556) is Inspired Philanthropy.
3. The openness of your post is a reality check about the condition of your life, and I feel a longing for your ministry to continue.
4. I also am learning from you the importance of being a Friend attached to a Friends community: I'm guessing a few of us have heard of clearness committees that come under the weight of a Friend's concern for her or his ministry, and (sometimes) ultimately release the Friend from service, working within the monthly and/or yearly meeting for contributions to support that minister—and subsequently her/his family. (I believe Johan's comment alludes to this.)
5. I wonder, Martin, might you be called to make yourself low and ask for support—spiritual and financial—for your ministry to continue...? Granted, given your current lack of connection to an established Quaker meeting, this may take some time to pursue.
Keep us posted, as Way opens.
Blessings,
Liz, The Good Raised Up
Nonsense, dear Martin, you can't stop now. We need you too much. I will send a $250.00 check to you--you personally. It's a bit of a stretch, but I will do it. Others should do the same--any amount will do--$5 & $10 bits add up. That's just to tide you over. Keep your job. Then we will figure out about setting up a foundation. You will need a job with the foundation and it will need a salary that is a more than a living wage. Your wife, does need to stay at home and take care of the little ones--two are more than twice as much work as one. I Know this for a fact. Save some of the money you will get to get the foundation set up. You will need some mentors and wise folks for your board. You will need someone who understands the law wherever you decide the entity will live and also someone who understands tax law. I will write to you at your email address.
Meg
(attender at Sandy Spring (MD) Monthly Meeting)
I don't see why we don't build an online support system for Martin and his ministry. Not that I know exactly what that would look like. I need his ministry, and that of the numerous contributors to his site, and I am not at all interested in requiring his local meeting find its way to supporting it.
DON'T GO!!! At least don't "go" from the Internet, where what you have written has meant such a great deal, at least to me.
I'm one of those thirtysomething Quakers who's recently "convinced" and who was overjoyed to find other Quakers online, people like me who cared not only about the social activism that's always been such a strong draw, but to the meaning of Quaker faith and practice as well.
Listen, you want a job? Keep the 14K gig you have now, which you can do online and therefore anywhere, and consider becoming a teacher. I'm writing from Clark County, NV, not the epicenter of Quaker culture or any culture anywhere, but they are hurtin' for teachers, home values (for now) are affordable and the job benefits are actually pretty nice.
Here's a link to their salary schedule:
http://www.ccsd.net/jobs/LLPsalary.htm
Here's a link on their site called "Alternative routest to licensure," which is code for "We're desperate; please help us." http://www.ccsd.net/jobs/LLParl.htm
Even with a B.A. and NO experience, you'd be getting 28K, which is twice what you're getting now. Keep the 14K job and you could be pulling down 32K your first year.
Allow me to add that there's a worship group who'd welcome you and Julie and your children with open arms.
Just a thought.
The donation is in the ethernet. :)
Sorry to read about the financial struggles. Sometimes push comes to shove, eh?
You have some great support and advice in these here comments, Friend. I'd be sorry to see it all come to an end.
OTH -
You DO have a ministry right before your eyes - your family. This seems to be your most important duty and mission right now. God is in the dirty, itsy-bitsy details, too.
I know it's tough to consider this, but perhaps it is that time to move on.
Hey, when I realized I needed to change my career it was a wrenching (at times) experience. yet, it was also incredibly exciting. When I was in your shoes - and it was just my lonesome, without spouse or child - I started the priorities lists stuff. So what's important? Hmm? Eating is a good one, right at the top of the list, along with health insurance and transportation.
Perhaps this is your time to go out into the "wilderness", make some tents, wander about the dessert, etc. until the leading comes to go back into Egypt, Jerusalem. But, who knows at this point (other than God, I suppose).
Take the plunge: take care of yourself.
Just one more opinion...
Hi all,
So much to take in! I'm close to tears at the emails of support and of all the donations. I feel truly blessed by this online community and know there is something deep and wonderful here. Something obviously will continue, it's form an open question. It might be more local, hands-on, and (yes Joe!) oriented more closely to the needs of family. Something will certainly continue--I need a place to hang my Theo pictures and I find it hard to believe I won't continue to have must-type out opinions on what's happening in Quakerism. The love you all are showing is a real balm and means more to me than the institutional invisibility! The Friend of you all, Martin
Isabel wrote in her comment:
I don’t see why we don’t build an online support system for Martin and his ministry. Not that I know exactly what that would look like. I need his ministry, and that of the numerous contributors to his site, and I am not at all interested in requiring his local meeting find its way to supporting it.
I don't know what an online support system would look like, either... Also, as a Conservative-leaning Friend (a Quaker renewalist?, to borrow a phrase from Robin Mohr), I wonder about the accountability that Friends offer one another in a community like a monthly or yearly meeting.
Inspired by so many comments of support to Martin, and his initial post about his circumstance, I could not help but create a separate post to lift up Martin's ministry, his ranterism, and the concept of Quakers' accounting for the right use of one's gifts.
Blessings,
Liz, The Good Raised Up
Hi Liz and Isabel: The bookstore opens in three minutes so I only have a few moments to affirm that this community is actually serving a very important discernment role for me. I think actually that we're doing this for each other. While I worry that we're adding another wrinkle to Quakerism with this virtual self-eldership, it's playing an incredibly important role for us.
Rachel: Just for clarity, I have two part-time jobs with FGC and with six years on staff I'm not at the entry level rates. It's not a horrid salary, just one that can't support a primary breadwinner with two children.
It's 9am, time to answer the phones!